Despite their proximity to the Equator, Mount Cotopaxi in South America and Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa are both snow-capped year-round.

So Joe just acted like a bit of a dick, which happens from time to time. Thing weird thing about when joe is being a twat is that he seems to think it's not a big deal, and even thinks it's funny. Normally he's great, but occasionally... it gets to me. We were watching a movie and I was bundled up in my blanket with my ice pack on my knee since it was feeling sore from a day of cleaning. He got up to go to bed, and I asked for the remote. He refused to give it to me (out of some half joking attempt at defiance that comes out of him sometimes...) I asked for a hug goodnight. Normally, I go upstairs and hug him and tuck him in and say goodnight before coming downstairs for a while. Well I was quite comfortable and don't want to move, so I asked for a hug goodnight instead. He completely ignored me, I think he though I was joking or that I was just nagging him to be annoying. He proceeded to say something to me from up over the overlook. Then he threw something at me and it hit me in the nose. That part made me particularly pissed. Yea ok, I get it, you want to be funny and silly, but it's fucking 11:20 and I'm obviously not in the mood for your childish defiance when I just asked you to show me some affection and you just refused. I should also note that he kept giving me these weird frowns all evening, which usually indicates that he wants to have sex and I'm not instigating it, and he's upset. It's not subtle, and it's not attractive. No, I'm not going to fucking blow you because you're glaring at me like I did something wrong. Also, It's not the manliest thing in the world to look sad and pathetic because you're not getting sex. I think the whole not hugging me thing was some weird revenge attempt. After getting hit in the nose I started crying. I'm not sure why, I have a habit of crying when I'm really angry so that may have been it, it's not like it hurt, it mainly just tipped me over, I was ok with the bullshit he was pulling already but hitting me in the fucking face is a little more than annoying. He apologized and came downsstairs and started looking for what he threw at me. I asked for a hug again and he still ignored me, and I started crying. He was all confused, and I barked out an explanation for why I was upset. Finally, he gave me a hug. Then he found what he was looking for, which was a small plastic fist from our Dante figurine. I would have found it hilarious if he wasn't being such an asshole.



I love Joe, and really 95% of the time he's nice, funny, energetic and is always surprising me and being romantic, but when he decides to be silly, and particularly when he attempts to hint at sex rather poorly, it really pisses me the fuck off.

There's something else too. Joe and I's sex life has gotten a little stale, and he seems to think it's because we're not having sex enough. I rarely finish when we do, and generally it's the same position, same thing every time. Everytime i bring up getting toys or things to help me finish and bringing them into the bedroom, he acts completely indifferent. I'm sorry but indifference does affect me. It doesn't say "I don't care, whatever works for you is fine" it says "I'm not interested enough to say anything either way, if you bring it in, I'll act the exact same, which will probably ruin the experience." He makes no effort to do anything about it, because he's getting what he wants. It's frustrating.

ANYWAY! I suppose onto complaining about other things. I have one friend here, Sam Frazier, and she's starting to drive me nuts. Yesterday, I had the two test prints for the Welcome Home banner printed for the sub, and I decided to walk over there and show her and her friend Leilani the prints. When I got there, I came in to find her and leilani on their laptops. Leilani was browsing facebook, and Sam was playing the Sims 3. I showed them both the prints, which they said they liked and looked at briefly before turning back to their activities. I tried to make some small talk by asking them how it was to be back in contact with their loved ones on the submarine again. They each gave a brief summary of their happiness. Then, the conversation went to what it usually goes to, weight loss and hiking. This doesn't sound bad, I'm very healthy and I love living a healthy lifestyle. I also like hiking probably more than the two of them combined. I think that's the problem. Hiking is something I'm very passionate about, and with my knee injury, I can't go hiking until I see my doctor again. I've mentioned to Sam on multiple occasions that I don't like talking about hiking because it's become kind of a sore subject for me. I crave it intensely, and hearing about other people's hiking trips kind of bums me out. Not only did they decide to tell me in detail about their trip to a loop hiking trail with waterfalls, but Sam kept insisting that I take kelly to diamond head when she gets here. I told her I couldn't because of my knee, and she's like "oh yea right. Well it only took us about an hour to do it last time, or maybe even 40 minutes." I said "oh well that's not far at all, maybe I will go." to which she replied, "Oh well it's really hard, all the steps make it a real challenge so maybe you coudln't handle it." That statment really fucking annoyed me. First of all, which is it!? is it super easy and I should do it? Or is it too hard for me? Second of all, when i do start to get annoyed with people I start reading them, which is a bad habit but I can't help it. I'm very perceptive, and my perceptions of sam are getting worse. I think the reason she jumped to say that it was hard is because she's still new to physcial fitness and being a very active, proactive person. I think she's very concerned with looking tough and proving herself. That quality can be very annoying when you talk about fitness because she'll start to ramble about things she's done with a nervous energy fueled "I have to prove to you that I'm a tough girl." It's kind of childish in so many ways. I hike because I love it. When I'm on the trail everything melts away. I really don't care if someone jogs past me, and I really don't care if I hike past people, I'm just in love with the experience. Having someone who is so concerned with difficulty level and the skill of the accomplishment is kind of hard to deal with. It's not on the same page as I am.
So aside from her ignoring my sensitivities, she is extermely self concerned in conversation. I tried to mention that I just finished all of my schoolwork, only to have her quickly change the subject back to her husband and being able to talk to him.
It's getting very hard to ignore. Little things have been bulding up and she's starting to seriously get on my nerves. I don't see much of a choice, but to distance myself from her, and try to be completely honest when I'm around her. If I stop politely laughing at Leilani's stupid fucking old ass video finds that aren't funny and stop smiling when Sam tries to engage me in hiking stories, maybe they'll finally get the hint that I don't find them as amusing as they find themselves.

Maybe I'm just meant to be a loner. I find most women extremely catty, annoying, and self centered. They live in their fucking heads and can't figure out how to participate properly in a conversation, and what is the FUCKING DEAL with their horrible sense of humor? Kelly has an odd sense of humor, but I get it and it's funny, it's just a little dry. Sam and Leilani laugh at the fucking stupidest shit. OMG a women thinks her computer is a typewriter because she's old, so she pushes her computer off the table. Let's watch it FIVE MORE TIMES! What is the deal?



And I can't make friends with guys. It's socially awkward always because I'm not hideous and most men, even awesome funny great ones seem to think I would only hang out with them if I were sexually interested in them. Sadly some women think this too, especially when I tell them I'm bisexual. THAT's happened a couple times and it's horribly awkward. Guys are weird though. I really love the guy friends I have, I hold very high value in them, they're absolutely fun to hang out with, and seem to like hanging out with me. However, I've either met them through Joe, or they know me well enough that they understand how close Joe and I are. If I tried to make friends with a guy, it just doesn't work. I hate the social standard when it comes to that. I want to make new friends that fit me, that I can hang out with, but it would be a miracle if I found a tolerable girl to hang out with. Bleh.

At least kelly's coming. When she first mentioned it, I was exteremely anxious and actually felt a little ill. I wasn't sure if I really wanted her here. Now that it's in my head though, I'm very excited. I think all the bitch drama and dealing with more "average" and  normal women skewed my memory of kelly. Yes kelly is girly in some aspects and she's nowhere near as fit as I am, but she never lets that get in the way, and she's always understanding. She's a great listener, she's very creative and artistic just like me, and she knows how to just hang out. She'll hike with me knowing she'll have to keep up, she'll make jokes I'll find funny and she'll go to the pool with me knowing that I'll probably have more fun than her. She'll marvel at the japanese culture like I do, which other people don't and she'll be excited to see the manga and comic shops. She'll share my art table with me and draw when I draw. She'll make a mix collection of our music combined. She's just a great friend. She fits me, she always has. We're very different now, and there will probably be instances where we figure out how to make dinner with no tomatoes cuz she doesn't like them, or how to spread out the day because she has less stamina than me, or how to come home early so joe and I can watch game of thrones, but we never really care, and if we do, we say something. She's really the only female friend who I know won't give me attitude if I laugh at her. Her ego, unlike 90% of the population, is smaller than her real personality.

I am starting to feel that the more people I meet, the more I realize how different from the majority of american society I really am. I definitely prefer my choices, and the way I treat people over other people's tendencies, but I am the minority. I'm a true tomboy, and that's not a good thing. sometimes it serves me well, because I listen, I like debate, I love physical activity because it's fun, not because I'm looking to impress anyone, and I always do what I love no matter what people think of me. On the other hand, I'm sloppy, I have childish clothing which include many wolverine and avengers T-shirts, and I have a wicked temper when it comes to societal standards. I'm weird, I don't belong in the society I've found myself in here on Oahu so far. Unfortunately, I have to take some actions I can't quite take to find the women I really want to be around. If I start surfing, and swimming more seriously, I may find some athletes who will practice with me, some hikers who will go on the 20+ mile hikes with me. But I'm not there yet, my knee still needs to heal, so those friendships will have to wait for me. I don't belong with the other Navy wives. I do what I need to for my husband, but really, I'm not a navy wife. I'm a different breed from these people. I need to find a way out. I'll have to look a little harder.

audio file trouble.

I I recorded a 30 minute audio file that I was really happy with, and that made me feel a lot better, and I wanted to upload it. Unfortunately, I recorded it through note everything on my phone, so the file is an AMR file. to actually post it, I had to convert it to MP3, then try to make a video using it through windows movie maker, only the one I downloaded doesn't allow audio files. I might figure it out, but as of now I can't post it. It seems a little backwards that I can easily post videos with audio but I can't post just audio. Guess I'll try again later...

bullshit and bitches

So lately I've been trying to get some pretty awesome things done only to be knocked down time after time but things somewhat outside of my control, and it's made me feel permanently cranky. Usually my crankiness goes away with a cup of tea, a run or a television show, but it's been sticking around. So I'll be bitching, whining and complaining about Joe being weird, the edges in my newly painted room looking with a five year old attempted them, and how my only real friend on the island can get on my nerves sometimes. All stuff to look forward to, I know, I'M excited. I'm way too exhausted to write about it now, so I'll have to post an update tomorrow.

Black-eyed peas aren’t peas, but beans. And coffee beans aren’t beans, but seeds.

My life right now is pretty alright. I definitely feel like I'm in an in-between stage, so to speak. I feel like that's what most of life is though, there's usually not some huge momentous occasion or transformation happening. I'm just living, and isn't that what really makes life great? When someone gives the advice that we should all appreciate the little things, I think what they really mean, is that most of life is not a dramatic movie, it's just a pleasant, quiet day filled with wahtever you want, and if you don't like that, you probably won't like life.

I finished my schoolwork for this week just a couple of hours ago, and now I've got to complete the welcome home banner for the sub that my friend jimmy is on. His wife commissioned the piece and I'll be selling prints of the work to different wives in the sub wives committee. It's a nice opportunity for me. Right this second though, I'm able to relax. Every week of school a little bit of weight is lifted from my shoulders, and I wonder if this feeling will carry on into freelance work. Somehow I doubt it. I don't think any work will be quite as intense and frustrating as schoolwork for the Academy of Art. II am looking forward to graduation as well. It's been a long, difficult ride.

In other news, I've been having some trouble with my next door neighbor. To make a long story short, it turns out she's completely nuts lol. If I could explain her actions i would but I honestly can't. She's been making noise complaints about us despite two conversations where she said she'd just tell me if there was a problem. Perhaps I'll write another entry specifically about her, but getting into it feels a bit redundant, since I've been talking about it a lot lately. She made another complaint, and it got the police involved. This got joe's command involved, which means we can't ignore her anymore. We'll be going to court with her since she's accused my husband of harassment, and there's a chance this may not end well for her. There's a slim chance, if she continues this, taht she could get evicted. I honestly nope not, I would never wish that on anyone, but I can't really see another solution. Ideally I could just talk to her and open communications again so that if there is a noise problem she could just ask me to turn it down, but she's told me she would and then called the police before, so I'm not really sure what to dhtink. I'm starting to wonder if she's so bored she just wants to get me evicted. I've really just left it at the fact that she's a crazy fucking bitch, buecause no other explanation really fits.

I've recently watched Food, Inc. which has made me think about what I'm buying in the grocery store. Unlike most people who watch the movie, I'm actually thinking about what the movie lied about, not how amazingly true it is automatically. This too, may have to be for another journal specifically for the topic. It turns out a lot of things in the documentary are exaggerated, a specific company the movie dogs on is not quite as evil as it's made out to be (although it does produce soybean oil which is terrible for you, but that doesn't make the company terrible. I think mcdonalds is terrible for you but I don't hate the company.) The main thing I'd like to research is whether I can buy local food here, non organic or organic I don't care, and whether certain meat companies really are inhumane, because that is important to me. I'll always eat meat, mostly fish, and I want to find out just how the companies I buy from treat their animals. It really doesn't take much effort to create a humane environment, epecially for chikens since they're kind of dumb.

So that's what's gong on with me. I suppose I should eat and then go to bed, it's been a very very long week.

According to some estimates, Americans are sitting on $30 billion worth of unredeemed gift cards.

I'm sitting on my bed. The warm purple sheets are decorated with leaves and linework, quite feminine but somehow not too girly. The walls are still white, which is the only thing about the bedroom that bothers me. One of the three windows is cracked open so my cat can peak his head out and look at birds. Good thing we have screens or he'd probably jump out after one, tumble down the tiles and fall into the yard, proceeded to meow a confused and angry meow asking, "Why did you let me do that!?" Much like the meow he was uttering last night when I found him finally in the ditch behind our house. Poor thing got out through a crack I left in the screen door out back and had what I can only guess was a horrific day running from lawn mowers and dogs. He's now sleeping on the chair by the window. My bedroom has a certain feeling I haven't achieved in a house of my own until now. It's cozy and breezy with lots of light. It's filled with furniture, sporting two dressers, a very tall bed and a chair. There are also two bookshelves and two dog crates. Somehow it doesn't feel cluttered at all. Strong, knotted tree branches fill the windows with the green of the golf course behind them. It's a nice place to think, to get away from the world. That's probably why I'm in here instead of doing all those things that may make me feel better. I do that, I dwell and think and plan but seem to do things in furious spurts of energy and vigor until I wear out and take too much time off.

Today I'm in my bedroom thinking about several things. There's a puppy sleeping in his crate, and I wonder if I should take advantage of his brief period of melancholy and go for a walk down to the housing office to get permission to paint the walls in my "playroom" as we call the art room/computer room, blue. I also need to take down all the lost cat signs around the  neighborhood since I found him. Today's tuesday. My schoolwork was due last night. I did about two classes worth of work, and half the work for the other two. Watching the dog is surprisingly difficult to do with homework, especially when I insist on leaving the house when my husband comes home because it's my only chance to get out. I'll be doing it again thursday, going hiking, FINALLY. But after that I don't think I'll leave for a while.

I'm also thinking of my house and the mess that has accumulated over the past week and a half. My husband cleaned the dishes and they're dirty again, along with the thin film of pet hair that has formed over the carpet due to our newest edition. I can officially say that three animals is enough. When Dubstep is grown it will be much easier, and probably very fun, but right now it's like having a baby in the house, who likes to eat everything in sight, pee on the carpet and leave hair everywhere.

Matt and Kim are talking about taking me home as I wonder if I should organize my computer files, the file cabinet, clean the house, work on my homework, go for a walk while dubs is sleeping, work on a banner project that needs to be finished in a week, or sit down and try to plan out a way to do everything.

This kind of clutter of the mind makes me way too serious and depressed. My head is so filled with responsibility I feel like there's no room for fun. It makes it really difficult to just enjoy what I'm doing if I'm thinking of the next 5 things I need to do afterwards. It's especially strange since all the things I have to do are not entirely unenjoyable.

I guess I'll go on that walk.